Inspired by a question on math overflow, let me ask: "Do good operations research jokes exist?" Alternatively, "Do bad operations research jokes exist?"
Operations Research Exchange!
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The following is shamelessly adapted (i.e., plagiarized) from a statistics joke ... but it really should have been an optimization joke in the first place. Three OR experts and three MBA candidates are going to a conference by rail. The three MBA students queue up individually at the ticket office and purchase tickets. The three OR experts pool their money, and one of them buys a single ticket. The MBAs try to tell the OR experts that they each need a ticket, but the OR experts just say "watch and learn". Once aboard the train, the three OR experts immediately cram themselves in the toilet at the end of the car. When the conductor comes through and sees the toilet door closed, he knocks and says "ticket, please". A ticket slides out under the door; the conductor punches it and moves on. After the conference, the three MBAs queue up and buy a single ticket for the return ride. The OR experts don't bother to buy a ticket. Once again, the MBAs try to object, and once again the OR experts say "watch and learn". Aboard the train, the MBAs pack into the toilet. One of the OR experts walks over, knocks on the door and says "ticket, please". The MBAs end up being turfed off the train. Moral: Be sure you understand both the strengths and weaknesses of an algorithm before applying it. |
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OR-Exchange! Your site for questions and answers about operations research.
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ANOVA
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The Travelling Salesman Problem
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This cartoon could be considered to be OR-related, as it deals with multicriterion optimization. |
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There was a forum on OR humor at the ORSA conference in Houston in the early 80s (the first one I ever attended). Here's one (slightly off color) that I remember from that session. Absolutely no judgement of its quality on my part is implied by posting here. An OR student interviews for a job at a manufacturer of rubber goods. As part of his interview, he gets a plant tour. As they approach one of the assembly lines, the student hears, "Phht, phht, phht, sssss...phht, phht, phht, sssss...phht, phht, phht, sssss..." "That's our baby bottle nipple line," explains his host. "You're hearing the QA station, which inflates each nipple to check for leaks, then punctures the top." Somewhat later in the tour, as they approach another line, the student hears, "Phht, phht, phht...phht, phht, phht...phht, phht, phht, sssss...phht, phht, phht...phht, phht, phht...phht, phht, phht, sssss..." "That's our condom production line. Our OR group has determined that revenue from the sale of both products is maximized if a certain fraction of condoms fail!" [cue rim shot!] |
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Here is a good one someone sent to me recently. I think its adapted from one of Reagan's jokes. "I recently overheard a conversation at the approximation algorithms cluster at ISMP which involved a young PhD student (S) and a middle aged guy (I) who used to be a theoretical computer scientist but now works in industry: I:So S how is the research coming along? Any exciting developments? S: Oh sir, the research developments are fabulous. We are breaking new grounds every second day. We are developing algorithms for a wide range of applications form protein folding to nurse scheduling to quality-control logistics' management. I: That is very interesting to know. How about the P=NP question, has anyone made progress on that. S: Oh yes sir, tremendous progress has been made. It seems after decades of work that P might actually be "equal" to NP. I: (shocked) That is not good. P!=NP is the basis of all our work. If P=NP is proved, then everyone working with those applications will think we were developing fictitious algorithms thus completely ruining our reputation. S: (after thinking for a while) Not to worry sir, our reputation will remain intact regardless. Nobody will raise a finger After all our applications are equally fictitious too and there is no one using our algorithms!" |
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Good OR jokes exist, but the problem of finding them is NP-hard. |
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An example of a good joke (protests on CMU campus):
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